Forgive and forget is something easier said than done. Sometimes after hating a person for something they have done and then soon you receive some help or kindness from them, you will feel terrible for hating them. But after you tried to forgive them, they will do something that makes you angry again and you would not want to forgive them and you will remember the hurt they had caused you in the past. As the cycles goes on, the hurt and hate gets deeper and until a point when you get tired and decides to ignore them for good. Is this a good thing? i dislike the feel of guilt but i dislike the feeling of anger which i am unable to release even more. Sometimes i tried to scream and tell the person how i feel but in the end i will chicken out. i do not understand why issit only to a certain person i feel that way. If it is others, i would have just screamed and give THE FACE but why issit when i face a certain few person i will control and endure. Issit because they play an important part in my life that i cannot offend them? Or issit i could not be bothered by them? Or i am too numb by their actions? I want to scream. I want to fight. I will to apologise. I want to ignore. But how?

Okay i know this is not a very nice blog post. i will post something better next time. This is just my reflection over something i hope i will get an answer soon.

★EILEEN